Father’s Day without Dad
With Father’s Day approaching, many of us will be making plans to spend the day with our Dads. However, for some of us Father’s Day approaches with a sense of dread.
When we are bereaved and mourning the loss of a Father (and it doesn’t matter how long it’s been) seeing the cards in the shops is a constant reminder of what is missing from your life.
Sometimes the thoughts and feelings of sadness can be quite unconscious and it’s not until we stop and think what is going on around us that we realise the significance of the specific date that is coming up.
There are ways to manage our sense of loss at this time. For some, it’s about finding a distraction – as thinking about it can be overwhelming. For others, it can help to accept that Father’s Day is approaching and how we might want to remember and mark the event in memory of our loved one.
Visiting a favourite place, cooking a special meal, raising a glass of a favourite tipple or visiting the grave can all be ways to mark the Father who was significant in our lives. Sometimes though, just a simple act of putting out a photo with a bunch of flowers or lighting a candle beside it can be enough and a more manageable way of coping.
It’s important to remember that for some, the loss of their Father brings back difficult memories and so it’s not just the death but also the relationship that one might have had during his life that can be quite haunting and weigh heavily.
It’s just as important to acknowledge negative feelings as well as positive.
Writing things down or talking over with a friend how the relationship was with all of its shortcomings can be helpful in offloading those thoughts and feelings inside of you.
It’s a bit of a cliché but it’s very true – it’s OK not to be OK! Be kind to yourself, don’t expect too much. Father’s Day will be over, and the next day will come, and you will move forward.
